The Call of Kirk

This is one of my papers (one of the few I am not embarrassed about) that I thought I would share. It is a re-telling of my journey to seminary. Hope you enjoy.

The Call of Kirk: Awakened, Tossed Overboard, Shallowed Alive
When I look at my journey of responding to God’s call, I am reminded of the story of Jonah. After spending almost 10 years in vocational ministry in local churches I have been asked to travel to far off countries and at times have been rather unwilling to go. But I would like to focus on Jonah’s time on and off the boat for this essay. During the last three years preceding my at Candler I was awakened, tossed overboard, and swallowed alive.
Growing up I was active in my home church. The children’s and youth programs were always an important part of my life. While I was in college, the part time youth director position at my home church came open. I took the job without really knowing what a job in a church would be like. My original plans were to work at the church until I completed school and then get a job in the “real world.”
After connecting with a number of great Christian leaders, I began to see youth ministry as more than glorified babysitting and the church as more than just a place to go on Sunday mornings. It was just across the street from the college campus and it seemed like the perfect place to get my feet wet in ministry. While I had not decided about how long I would be working in the church I knew that I wanted to explore the possibility of continuing. I took a graduate intern position at the Wesley Foundation and spent the year growing and learning.
It was at my next youth ministry position in Tifton that I began to consider seminary. After I had been working in ministry for nearly fours years I was very content working with students. I enjoyed the students, low expectations from the church, and the environment of working full time as a youth minister. Seminary, or cemetery as I called it, seemed to be something that I didn’t need. I used to say, “I will go to seminary as soon as God holds a gun to my head and forces me to.” (I have come a long way since then!) Seminary was something that while useful to many, was something that I did not feel that I was in need of then. The students I was working with did not care about Noth or Gunkel’s theories. They were in need of an adult who was present in their lives and who cared about them. I didn’t need a seminary degree to do those things.
After three years in Tifton an opportunity came about in Warner Robins, Georgia to lead a youth ministry that had some exciting potential in a community and town that was ideal for myself and my wife. I had begun a new chapter in my life. Recently married and looking forward to sparing myself from the earlier errors I might have made at previous churches I was ready to do something that really matter. I would be entering my sixth year in ministry and was ready to grow in my professional life and personal life. I began at Trinity wide eyed and ready to change the world with a dynamic youth ministry and a passion for God.
Unfortunately, I was sleeping on a ship that was going somewhere that I didn’t want to go. With a staff that was territorial, a church that was directionless, and volunteers who were unwilling to follow my deep sleep was be short lived. While I had dreamed of culture ripe for growth and discovery and instead awoke to a community which was content being stagnate. I was rudely awakened from my comfortable sleep to the sound of screaming parents, youth, and chairpersons.
After my first year we had a pastor change and with the new pastor came both the best and worst of time there. He was bombarded with allegations that I was unwilling to listen and not the right person for the job. Thankfully, after a few months, he was able to see that I was not the problem. However, knowing the problem and repairing it are two very different things. As he was faced with traversing his new surroundings, I was left to swim for my life. Swim is a generous term, tread water and hope for some rescue or a quick end is a better illustration.
While Jonah’s crew continued to row and fight against the rising tide my shipmates were not of the same mind. If you have ever been in a situation in which you could see a mob coming to toss you into the abyss, you know that your willingness does not make the plunge any easier. While I was aware of the my plight, the fall was no less difficult. After about two years, I knew that not all of us were going to make it off the boat alive at Trinity and I was convinced that I would be the one to leave.
Thankfully a life line did come in the from of a counselor in Warner Robins. She was more than just a life jacket she was more along the lines of a full search and rescue team. She was a voice that reminded me of the hope that I once held to was still present and ready to liberate me from any situation, boat, sea, or beast.
And like Jonah, while I did offer myself up to the sea, I was going to still face the fish. I spent my final year at Trinity in and out of the fish; Isolation, depression, anger, regret, and fear were my companions in the darkest period in my life. Unfortunately, I was not as wise as Jonah who learned after just three days that he should pray to get out and then stayed out of the fish. I had repeat visits to the dark and came out spewed on the shore in a state that was in no shape of ministry.
However it was in the calamity that I was able to get the clarity that I was seeking for so long. Looking back, I can see that ultimately I wanted a clear cut answer about my future. I just wanted to know what was next for me and my journey, seminary, ordination, or whatever. I was waiting on a neon sign or voice from heaven giving me clear marching orders that would give me a path to my future.
During my time at the bottom of the ocean, I have learned that God doesn’t always come through the loud speaker with a direct call for your life. I had to learn that sometimes God puts you out on the water and waits to see where we choose to paddle. While I have yet to receive my destination I know that wherever I go God is close at hand and encouraging me to grow.